Healing a broken heart after an abusive marriage * trigger warning, mentions of domestic violence*

Updated: May 10

Being quite a private person, I'm a little bit rubbish at knowing how much of myself to share with the World at large therefore I never thought that I would be in the place whereby I could claim that I was a 'victim' of domestic violence let alone be sharing it for all to read.

However, some things MUST be spoken about to bring them out from the shadows for the shadows are where shame resides and there is nothing shameful about being on the receiving end of DV; only the giving end...

In March 2015 at 8.30am, there I was, standing in the yard of our jointly owned acreage property west of Brisbane Qld, wearing nothing but undies and socks after my (now) ex-husband physically assaulted me.

As the ex was advancing on me and I was telling him to keep away, I shakily asked the workmen that were widening the road to call the police; the same workman gave me his jacket so I could keep some dignity. The police took me to the worksite managerial porta cabin where they took my statement.

After years of financial and mental abuse, I knew that he knew that he no longer had control over me, so upped the ante and resorted to physical violence to try and regain control...I knew that was my cue to jump ship and leave. I know in my heart of hearts, if I hadn't left when I did, I wouldn't be here now to tell the tale.

Thank God that we never had children together although I did miscarry several times. My heart goes out to all those with children that are in relationships where domestic violence is prevalent, at times, fatally so.

All I will say is when you can, when it is safe for you to do so, please reach out to loved ones or those that you trust are only on your side.

If that's difficult, there are some amazing organisations out there that will help and support your decisions - P3 Housing Support, Womens Aid and the Samaritans, all based in the UK being a few.

Anyhow, I digress...

Fast forward six years, a property settlement court case (orchestrated by the ex) multiple moves and much self-healing and soul searching, I'm back in the UK following my path of mediumship and teaching, am director of an amazing online Spiritual Development Centre, and am remarried to a wonderful man that is mentally healthy, who holds space for me to heal myself, supports me in all I do...in short, I am truly and magnificently loved. Exactly as I deserve to be.

Why am I sharing this with you? Good question oh wonderful reader.

Whilst sorting out some files on my computer, I rediscovered these words, words that I wrote on 17th January 2017.

The words that released much of the pain, indignity and hurt that I had absorbed over the last six years

I remember sitting at the dining table in the living room that I was renting from a lovely friend of mine, crying as I typed this.

The soft tears that fall as your soul recognises the truth and the healing that is occurring as a result. The words that become a promise to yourself...

My wish for you, dear reader, is eternal happiness...

Much love, Nicola

"I still hope for great love to come into my life.

Love for myself is eternally there, I am talking about the no holds barred kind of love, where someone will walk over hot coals for me, where a man that is so enriched himself, will see the jewels that are my heart and soul. Jewels that I have worked hard at polishing.

Beauty is more than an external thing that can change with the seasons of someone’s life,

but are internal and forever constant and powerful in the sublimity. It’s not about giving my power away but sharing my power with another that is equally as powerful and he is sharing his with me, reciprocal power-sharing.

An exchange so amazing and powerful it would ignite the most hardened of hearts and situations to reach for the unparalleled reaches of the universe that is encased within our hearts and souls.

The idea of the fairy tale I still believe in it. I believe that my perfect match is out there. I have no desire to be rescued and yet the urge to be held while I rescue myself is immeasurable.